Heavy trigger warning || mentions of attempt suicide, high angst
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It was a long night.
Harvey and Cornelius were distant from him for a week after Static said something insensitive about Cornelius needing to move forward and stop bringing others into his problems. It was a bit too direct and he didn’t realize till it was for sure too late. He was trying to encourage Cornelius to move forward and that he could figure this out due to his own inner strength and that also Harvey had to drop a class to take care of Cornelius. It was meant to be a gentle push.
That night he breathed heavily in his room. He didn’t realize how badly he had phrased that. But it would be better the next day. Except it didn’t. Nor did the next day. He kept saying to himself they just need time. He stayed in his room one evening and then saw Cornelius and Harvey coming back from dinner. He suddenly felt his heart drop. They didn’t invite him.
Static comes out of the room. Maybe - it would be ok if he asked - except.
“Hey I didn’t know you guys got food -“
Harvey looked to the side. “We thought you were asleep..we .. ya” It was clear he was standing up for Cornelius. “Oh-Ok I ..” Things were awkward. Static fidgeted with the door frame and then turned into his room. “Sorry to disturb.”
Cornelius, who was looking at the ground, sighed as this was the first time he was eating in 2 days after Harvey had convinced him to come with him to get food. But now he definitely didn’t want to eat.
His bandmates felt bad not including Static even though they knew he was also going through a lot as well. Harvey was just trying to focus on one win at a time. They didn’t know that Static was spiraling.
Static had a lot of direct conversations. He always lightly ticked off the band because of how direct he was but a lot of that came from his brain being split between a computer and his human side. Sometimes it got to the point that it always made them feel lesser. As if he knew all the answers. And that’s why they let him be alone in his room.
What they didn’t know is he was relapsing with his depression. This time he was back to being alone. No family. No friends. Just him.
He locks his door and sneaks out to a bar. His plan wasn’t to drink, he just needed a place that was open and wasn’t home. When he got there he didn’t really drink anything, just a glass of tonic water which the bartender called him weird for. He was weird. He wasn’t human, he was a machine. He thought like a machine... He needed to be turned off like a machine... His breathing becomes uneven. He tries to calm down. There was an attempt to try at the least. He leaves the counter and goes to the bathroom. He can’t really splash water in his face so he goes to try and wet a towel but it’s only a hand dryer.
The bathroom was a small closed off room with notes left by past folks in sharpie. He reads through the notes till he reads, “For those who need to find a way free, I left a rope for thee” and then instructions on how to tie a knot. Now there was plenty of writings calling this note out saying don’t listen to them and it looked like people scratched out words but they were covered with gold and silver sharpies on top. But Static was out of his mind. He looked for where the rope was and it still remained.
It was something in Static that told him he needed to not be part of the band. He was going to fix everything. He started to cry at the thought that it really came to this. Static makes the knot with the rope and hangs it up above the toilet. He puts his neck through and sees a second note. It was teasing more about the experience. More about the release of everything. He just wanted to feel alive.
Which was funny because he was about to kill himself. Just as he stood on the edge of the toilet and someone started knocking. He didn’t know what to do since the nose was already tight so he stepped off. It should only take a minute right?
He struggled to breathe, feeling his windpipe collapse. The guy at the door began to shout “is anyone in there???? I really need to go!” A minute passed and he wasn’t even dead yet. The edges of his vision were starting to blacken. He felt a sweet release coming to him soon. Just about at the two minute mark, he felt things really pick up. However,the bartender had unlocked the door for the angry customer since no one was replying and found the drummer purple in the face.
The guy jumped up and cut his rope as the bartender called an ambulance. Static luckily was still alive, but he was out cold struggling to breathe. His neck has a red line across from the rope.
It was 3am when Harvey got a call. The number was unknown so he ignored it. Until they just kept calling. “What???”
“So sorry. We had you as an emergency contact - for Static” Harvey was confused. “What do you mean he’s here with us?” There’s a nervous chuckle over the phone.
Harvey goes to try and unlock Static’s door. He knocks. He notices it’s quiet. There’s no humming from his gear. He asks the lady who she was and she mentions she’s a nurse at a hospital nearby. That’s when his heart dropped.
Harvey doesn’t immediately respond. He begins to pace and his mind rushes. For once, just focusing on one win wasn’t enough. He was the cause of this. It was his fault.
“Hello?” “Ah I’m still here sorry”
The nurse explains they found him at a local bar in an attempt to hang himself and that he had previously in his files written Harvey’s info. Only thing is Static’s never been to a hospital unless he did it before they all reconnected. Harvey realized Static had only them. There was no one else in his life.
Harvey stood still kind of shaking. Did Static drink too much? Did he really feel that terrible? He got the directions and went to wake up Cornelius so he could drive him. Cornelius stirred awake and was startled by Harvey who said they had to go to the hospital. “Huh? It s3am Harvey. Are you ok??” Harvey nods but then name drops. “It’s Static.
Static woke up. Unable to really vocalize because of the damage he did. He blinked once and then twice realizing he failed. He wanted to cry as he knew how much trouble he was about to be in with everyone. There wasn’t an ounce of happiness that ran through him that was glad he was alive. Static laid in bed crying softly till a nurse came to see him sparking from the tears.
A nurse that was helping him saw him crying and just dropped everything and she got a tissue so the tears would stop affecting his circuits. And this was his reality. He failed and now everyone had to deal with him.
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When Cornelius parked the van, both him and Harvey sat there. It had been about two years since the band got back together and started touring. Things felt fine. Things felt like they weren’t bad. But there was always that lingering feeling of how it might never last. The fight itself had only been a week, but neither of them really knew to check on Static. They both sat with the music off for once.
Cornelius was trying to not cry. There was a level of him holding back so much and could only do so much that made him upset. He definitely didn’t appreciate Static’s comments but he knew closing Static off wasn’t the solution either. In fact he knew he could have tried more but he just - didn’t. Not this time. But maybe the next. But could he do it better next time? Would he be a better, less of a coward boyfriend?
Harvey watched as his friend went through a level of grief he couldn’t solve. He looked out at the side mirror and saw himself. He wasn’t smiling. Usually when he approached a mirror or a reflection he always put on a smile to remind himself he was there. (He being himself) However, this time he wasn’t proud of himself. He took the middle ground and now he made a bigger mess.
Harvey was the first to break down in the car. He was trying to unlock the handle of the car and remembered something he forgot to do. “Ah man. I totally forgot to bring flowers or whatever you do for these occasions. Or at least something for Static to do.” Cornelius placed his hand on his shoulder. His name tears finally broke as well. “It’s ok. I forget to do a lot of things as well like tell you guys how much I love you both.
They were both ugly crying. They sat in the car for another 10-15 minutes till they headed inside.
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Once inside they made their way to the room where Static was hooked up and struggling to get a full breath of air in. Static was so embarrassed when he saw them walk in. The level of not being able to leave and knowing what he did seeped into him and made him want to run. But then he saw their eyes. Both were red from crying it looked and he just didn’t want them sad. So he tried to tell a joke but he realized how hard it was to talk. Tears brimmed his eyes again realizing how much he messed up. He was so strong for years. Why was the idea of his two friends leaving him so crippling?
Cornelius and Harvey began to pet their friend and place their hands on him after his attempt to communicate. Harvey was the first to speak.
“Ya I’m. Sorry I didn’t even bring anything.” He was avoiding eye contact more than he wanted. Looking into Static’s eyes reminded him how much he’s done and how badly he left his friend behind. Harvey held his stomach. It was now 5am and the weird feeling of needing to eat breakfast but feeling sick to his stomach made things so hard to be awake right now. But he wanted to be there for Static. Desperately wanting to give his all.
Static then just turned and laid his head against Harvey and squeezed his bicep. It was a way he used to communicate while he was working on his head piece in the past to tell Harvey he’s still there (as in still alive). Harvey started to cry again. The two of them had such a brother bond from everything they’ve gone through. Harvey trusted Static - and he knew it would all be alright. Everything would be ok.
Cornelius sat awkwardly. He felt a burden he didn’t know how to express. It came in the form of watching and wishing he was where Static was. Static shouldn’t have to deal with this. This was caused by his unhappiness and inability to take control of himself. He picked the polish off his nails while the other two cried. He also was extremely tired. He hadn’t gone to sleep that night. Then something hit him. Did Static still love him? Did he fuck up? He just.
Cornelius started to freak out and had to leave the room. He sat in the hallway for a good minute dry heaving and crying from the rising panic. He cried so hard his teeth felt numb. They chattered as he buried his head in his legs. A nurse that was coming by to check saw him on the floor and kneeled beside him. “Hey honey it’s ok. You’re friends alive.” She stayed with him in the hallway for a bit until she needed to go in and check on Static. By that time, Harvey hopped away from the bed and went out to Cornelius and sat beside him.
However, Cornelius scooted away. His head remained buried and he was still crying under the muffling of his own arms. Harvey got in front of him and tried to pry his arms open.
“Quit it! I’m not in the mood Harvey.”
Harvey sat back down on his legs. Determined not to give up. He kept shaking Cornelius till his anger built up and pushed Harvey off. “Come on, fight me back, but don’t curl up.”
But it didn’t work. Cornelius took off down the hallway and sat in the waiting room. It was almost 6 in the morning, and Harvey decided to go get coffee for him and Cornelius to walk off everything. Cornelius ended up falling asleep in the waiting room. After the nurse checked on Static, he ended up sneaking out of his room. It was really hard to breathe so he took the tank of oxygen and he crept semi quickly down the hallway.
In other news, Static was being stupid. So stupid that the second Cornelius woke up from him shaking, Cornelius yelled. But Static covered his mouth and hugged him. It was very weak, almost lifeless. He was trying his best though. His breaths were shallow and Static was becoming extremely dizzy. But he just wanted to say sorry since he couldn’t vocally. Cornelius helped drag Static back to his room when he felt him grow limp. He got static on his back and soon a nurse found the two walking back and helped them. Cornelius followed Static to his room and a doctor showed up shortly.
“Static, due to the situation, you cannot be without an oxygen tank for 2 weeks till your throat is healed. You’ll be receiving oxygen through this nose piece-“ He then demonstrates to Cornelius and Static how it has to be worn and how to change with the tank. Meanwhile, Harvey arrives with non-hospital coffee for Cornelius and they all three listen.
“Finally Static, we assigned as part of your bill a therapist with scheduled appointments. We give 5 sessions to survivors and after that you need to discuss with your insurance provider. But I hope you feel better soon. You are all free to leave by noon.” They all breathed and laid back.
At around 10, Cornelius was with Harvey filing Static out and helping set up the insurance info since Static was still in bed. While walking back to the room, Harvey put his hand on Cornelius' shoulder and patted his back. “When we get home, I’m gonna cook a good lunch before you go to bed. Cornelius smiled and nodded.
The night was very long. But, the day was just beginning.
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*1 week later*
Static sat on the couch watching TV and Cornelius walked in. He sat down beside him and placed his head in Static’s lap. Static enjoyed petting through his hair. It brought him a lot of comfort from the smell of his shampoo.
Cornelius then said, “Even though your head feels like a robot. Your heart and body are still as human as ever.”
Static smiled. His throat still hurt but he just put it simply. “I love you. And my heart knows you love me too. No matter how much we both breakdown, one of us can build the other up.”
They laid and cuddled till Harvey walked in with groceries.
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